You know what’s worse than a sick person? A sick person in denial about being a sick person. But what does that even mean? “Sick person.” What I am referring to is being physically ill. And today I had a break down over it. I hate being labeled. It drives me crazy! I hate being compared to people and I am fed up with being sick all the time. I am almost livid that the only interesting I ever have to say is about how my health is doing! What I have decided is to accept it. Yes I am officially crazy. I am going to accept what I have been given. But there is more…Haha it’s never that easy!
The reason why I was so bugged with being ill is because I have always thought that in order to have an success I’d have to be cured from my sickness. I’ve struggled with health my whole life. It was always something. The beautiful thing about it is that I didn’t mind it. I actually loved the life I was given. Even if I was given a body with severe health limitations. I was always so happy about it. As a little girl I embodied the positive outlook.
I was so privileged to learn that a positive outlook could get me threw anything. Believe me it made my impairments so much easier. Being joyful through my challenges has been my motto since day and then today happened. I was trying to be happy about my situation and then it hit me. I am not happy at all! I am ticked off!. For so long I have been fighting this. I took my situation buried all the sad stuff and forced myself to be happy. Guess what that did for me? It made me more miserable. Then I was stuck and I was sad. I had to finally face the truth. That’s when I realized happiness does get us thru, but having a positive outlook does not mean that you don’t face the cold hard truth. The cold hard truth for me right now is that I am frustrated with the situation that I am in. I am in denial over the fact that I am unhappy about it. The truth is I really wish I didn’t have physical impairments. Now that that’s dug up and out in the open I can start creating happiness in my life.
The biggest false I have created for myself is that in order to have happiness sorrow can not be present. That’s not true. At this current moment I feel the happiest I’ve felt in a long time because I allowed myself to be sad. Not because my trial was all of a sudden removed. You know what life is hard. It is unfair and it can feel like a doggy dog world! Sometimes it makes me want to chuck a rock threw a window! But life is also beautiful. It is full with so much growth. I realized that there is no need at all to dwell in my problems, but I do need to accept my limitations. Then I need to love myself despite my limitations. Just remember people without the trials we could not appreciate the wonderful moments(I think I should just let that sink in for a moment).
If you are feeling blue:
- Accept why you are upset. What is the underlying problem, lie, or belief?
- Examine what you can fix.
- Take what you can’t fix and give it to God. You might not know what to do with it, but he sure does!
- Love yourself despite the things you hate.
- Find small ways every day to make yourself smile. Treat yourself.
- Then you’ll start to realize that you are happy when you aren’t forcing it. True happiness does not come by force.
I recently read Mere Christianity by C.S Lewis and it was LIFE CHANGING. So if you are having a rough time just read this: